I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
one two three fourrrrnication!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
