if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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