I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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