Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
