Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
