Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
