you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
...so i touched it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize