didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
