can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
