Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
