ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize