please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize