DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
