Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
