took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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