dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
this hospital has no fireball
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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