I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
