if i died would you start the facebook group?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
