Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i have herpe
just one?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
