Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize