Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
