he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
