You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
