I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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