Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
