So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
