Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are two peas in an std pod
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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