you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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