My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize