I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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