we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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