I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think i have two assholes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
