You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
