If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
