I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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