Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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