now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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