The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
