Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
