Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
