thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
