Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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