Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
