New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
