sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
