from now on my penis is your penis
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
