Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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