I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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