I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize