worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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