Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
