how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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