There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
