Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
