so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
