i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mom said you looked used
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
