Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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