i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
