i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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